


Before We Come Undone

by Dance_Elle_Dance



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: All Human, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bad coping mechanisms, Drama, F/M, Friends to Lovers, It's not very romantic, Male-Female Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:57:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_Elle_Dance/pseuds/Dance_Elle_Dance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I saw the tears in his eyes, saw the way his shoulders trembled as he tried to keep the sobs at bay, watched as he tried to hold in the pain of his loss. I did the only thing I could think of - I leaned up and pressed my lips against the corner of his mouth. (Originally posted on 2/4/10.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before We Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Old and poorly written re-post of a JasperBella smutty thing I did back in the day. I still rather like this pairing but am still embarrassed at how badly written this is. I hope y'all enjoy it for what it is. Thanks for reading!

If you were to ask me who my best friend was, I'd immediately say Jasper Whitlock.

I suppose it's strange that a guy would be a girl's best friend, but that was how it was. We had been together since our days in the sandbox, constantly playing together and sharing jokes, laughing at random things and playing around. Teasing, light, playful. Our relationship was so easy and carefree, like it was the air we breathed. It was a fact. Like the sky is blue, Jasper is my best friend.

I guess it's not surprising when his fiancée, Alice, asked me to be her maid of honor in their wedding. I mean, I could hardly be a "best man," and besides, Jasper had already bestowed that honor upon the big, burly Emmett, who already made fun of our relationship. I shouldn't have expected anything else from him. He was always making fun of me. But I shouldn't have minded. He is like a big brother to me, like the very thing that I had always wanted Jasper to be to me, but…

While our relationship is something easy and light, it is also something that consumes me entirely. He likes to think that we are just friends and nothing more, but I had always felt something completely different.

You see, while we are best friends, I am also in love with Jasper.

Instantly, that makes things more complicated.

I know that it is not simple, friendly love. I know that because every time my heart aches when I see him brush his lips against Alice's, it is not the simple jealousy of being alone. It is of the fact that he is with someone else. I had never felt something this absolute, like the all-controlling want for something you can never possess.

Funny, the day I wanted to confess to him, he admitted to me that he was seeing someone. Jasper had looked so completely happy that day that I just couldn't break his bubble by ruining it with my selfishness. Oh, I wanted him to know how I felt; I wanted it more than the air I breathed, but…

He was so happy, and seeing him with Alice, I couldn't help but feel the same, even though my heart was steadily breaking. I couldn't - wouldn't - jeopardize his happiness and our friendship by telling him I loved him when he definitely didn't feel the same way.

So, I guess that's how I got here.

"Blue looks so lovely on you, Bella!" Alice chirped, clapping her hands together in mirth. Her hazel eyes looked at me in wonder as I just stood there, unimpressed.

I looked at myself in the large set of three mirrors that were arranged side-by-side in the vast expanse of David's Bridal. There were couches arranged by the dressing rooms, and the mirrors I glanced into had this ridiculous golden paneling. Ugh. I never got the appeal to these places. Yeah, they were pretty much necessary for the people that wanted to get married, and the people searching for dresses, but I had seen at least two women who came in - _alone_ and _not_ wearing engagement rings - and trying things on.

Groaning, I looked my figure up and down in the reflection in front of me. The dress was cute, yes, but I really didn't care much about clothes as Alice did. The neck of it plunged deeply and the waist was cinched tight, while the fabric of the dress flowed freely about my hips and thighs, stopping at just above my knees. The dress was a deep blue in color, which, as Alice said before, was "my color."

I pursed my lips as I looked out of the corner of my eye to the gorgeous blonde standing right next to me. Her own vivid red dress hugged her every curve in a sensuous manner, her golden hair impeccably styled and violet eyes looking confident as she posed.

"Rose, you're making every woman want to eat their heart out - including me, so could you please change back into your regular clothes?" Alice playfully bit out, looking at the girl across from me with an easy gaze.

"Oh, fine," Rosalie replied, her voice a lilting drawl. "Whatever you say. I can give you that, since you're the bride-to-be and all."

_Bride-to-be._ Those simple words penetrated deep in my chest, and took root as if they had spikes.

"Of course." Alice smiled, looking at Rosalie and running a hand through her spiky black hair.

I moved my gaze to the wedding dress that had already been fitted and prepared for Alice's tiny frame. It was gorgeous, of course. Alice had lavish, expensive tastes in clothes and her wedding dress was no exception. Even I could appreciate its beauty, which was saying something.

"I can't believe the wedding is only in two weeks." Alice sighed in rapture, her hands clasped at her chest as she looked over at her dress. "It was like just yesterday that Jazz proposed…"

I smiled at her, unable to hide the happiness I felt for her despite the panging my heart was currently subjecting me to. It was like someone had reached through my chest, grasped my lungs, and was _squeezing_ …

Shaking my head, I watched as Alice slid her newly fitted wedding dress into the plastic covering that would protect it from any foreign object that would ruin the precious silk of the white gown. "I gotta go…" She explained hastily as she looked at her watch, "I just realized that I'm going to be late for a meeting with the wedding planner."

Rose looked at me and I just shrugged. "Want me to drive you?"

"Nah, I'm good," Alice said, her eyes appreciative, but gracefully rejecting the blonde's offer. "We took two cars, remember?"

"Yeah…" Rosalie smiled at her, remembering that she and I had ridden together, while Alice had arrived here alone. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Same here." I added brightly, forcing a smile upon my face.

Alice nodded and gracefully made her way out of the door, the mass of the dress almost eclipsing her entire figure.

At the time, I didn't realize that the image of Alice, dancing out of the door, would be the last time I saw her alive.

\---

Later that night, I got a knock on my door.

Peeking through the peephole in the apartment door, I smiled despite myself when I saw that it was Jasper. But there was something off about his facial expression. I knew something was wrong when I saw him wipe his eyes frantically with the sleeve of his shirt.

I opened the door cautiously, looking around the wooden frame and saw something that chilled me to the core.

"Hey, Bells," Jasper croaked, his Southern accent thick with emotion as tears slipped down his cheeks.

I had rarely seen him cry, and seeing him this broken up made me feel like I was suffocating. This was not what was supposed to happen. I grabbed his arm and all but dragged him into the room. "Jasper, what the hell's wrong?"

His sky blue eyes looked into mine, and I felt my heart constrict. He voiced the words that I somehow knew would come from his mouth, "Alice…"

"What…what about Alice?"

"She's…she's… _dead_ , Bella. _Alice is dead_!"

His eyes were frantic, wheeling with incomprehension. I felt the tears well up in my own eyes as I dragged his thin body toward mine, crushing his wiry frame against my chest, letting him cry onto my shoulder as he fisted one hand in my hair and the other in the cloth of my sweatshirt.

_Alice…dead? How could this happen?_ My mind was a flurry of thoughts, each one more perplexing than the last, as I tried to comfort the sobbing man in my arms.

No words were seeming to help him, so I just whispered over and over against the shell of his ear, "It's okay, Jazzy. I'm here for you. I'm here…always here for you, Jazz."

Nothing was reaching him.

He only muttered one word, over and over, like a sick mantra.

" _Alice_."

\---

Instead of a wedding, there was a wake.

On the way to her wedding planner, Alice's car skidded off the road. It hit a patch of black ice and she lost control. She wrapped her car around a tree.

There was no saving her. She died on impact.

So, here I sat, dried tears staining my cheeks as I held Jasper's trembling hand within my own. I had never seen him so broken, so beside himself, and it was disturbing me to even look at his pale, drawn face, and his bloodshot eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well at all during the days that had passed since Alice's death. The dark circles underneath his eyes were a telltale sign of what he was going through.

He loved Alice. He loved her so much, and it was paining me to even see him like this. His parents had died when he was just twenty, and Alice was all he had left, other than his friends. Now she was gone, and…

I didn't know what was going to happen with Jasper.

The preacher said some words and then everyone got up slowly to go and see the face of the girl who had been taken from us way too soon. First, her parents walked up there, looking an absolute mess. Almost as bad as Jasper. I wouldn't blame them. I don't think anyone could actually be not devastated by the loss of their child. Then, one by one, her relatives, and friends and family walked up there to gaze upon her visage.

Everyone had fanned away from the body when Jasper decided he would rise to go look upon his deceased fiancée's face. He squeezed my hand gently, though I was sure that he couldn't have done it harder even if he tried. His eyes darted to my face, his icy blue stare penetrating into my own. "Will you come with me?"

I gave him a small, reassuring smile. "Of course."

I rose first, and helped him to his feet. It was like after losing her, he could barely find the will to do anything. It was something that I knew I'd experience - if I'd ever lose Jasper. His hand was tight in mine, and the fact that he was so vulnerable made a surge of my protective nature flood over me.

I knew people were trying not to look, but they were anyway. They wanted to look upon the face of the man who had just lost the one girl he loved in on foul swoop. He walked slowly, hesitantly. At one point, he stopped, and I had to reassure him to keep going. He swallowed and gathered his resolve, wiping the residual tears on the sleeve of his suit and stepping the last few footfalls forward to peer into the coffin.

I heard his breath hitch as his fingers touched the polished mahogany wood of the side of the coffin, lingering there and rubbing slowly across the surface. His eyes gazed lovingly at Alice's face, which was frozen into a solemn mask, her smile forever muted.

I felt my throat constrict and fresh tears burned my vision as Jasper leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cold forehead. He lingered there, his tears falling from his face and plopping onto her nose and mingling with her midnight black hair. It seemed like an eternity that he stood there, his lips against her skin, but it was only a matter of seconds, and he pulled away, wiping the tears that had brimmed to the surface.

He reached out and stroked a finger along her jaw and muttered an 'I love you.' The tears spilled forth from my eyes at the heartbreaking gesture, and he turned to look at me, his eyes betraying everything and nothing all at once.

I stepped forward at this point, placing my hand over Jasper's and looking into his eyes comfortingly. "It's alright, Jasper. It's okay."

"No…" Jasper said, a bitter smile on his face, "No, it's not."

At that moment, I couldn't help but agree.

\---

The funeral was almost worse than the wake. Actually placing her body in the ground was worse than looking at her motionless form settled in the coffin. It gave everything a sense of finality that was palpable in the air, crackling around like some kind of wicked haze.

I stood loyally beside Jasper, my arm wrapped tightly around his waist, to hell with what everyone else thought. I didn't care. All I cared about was that I could comfort Jasper. If it was only a little bit, I would be proud of that. And at the moment, he needed me. He didn't need all of the people saying that they were sorry. Most didn't care about him, it was just a nicety. I felt fiercely defensive as Jasper pressed his cheek into my hair as he leaned his head over my body.

He inhaled deeply as they lowered her coffin into the ground. I felt his breathing hitch as he did so, and then there was a few wet drops that fell atop my head. I squeezed his waist that much tighter against my form.

He sighed, as if he were comforted by my presence, and I felt his arm wrap gently around my hips and settle there, the very sensation of his arm being against me was like a hot lead pipe being pressed against my skin.

"Thank you, Bella."

I was puzzled, but didn't move, my eyes unwavering from the coffin. "For what?"

He didn't move either, but I could tell he wanted to, for his muscles were tense. "Being here."

"You're my best friend," I scoffed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. But just calling him my 'best friend' didn't seem to be enough. There was that nagging voice in the back of my head, constantly telling me that I wanted him to be more.

But I was more than positive that that would never happen. Even more certain than I was when he first announced his engagement to Alice.

Jasper pressed his lips to the crown of my head and I felt them curve into a small smile, but I could picture the lack of happiness in his eyes as he did so and it was enough to cripple me.

The grief pressed down upon me as the first droplets of rain fell upon my forehead.

\---

In my apartment a few nights later, it was mostly silent. Rose was gone, spending the night with Emmett, I supposed, so I curled up next to the fireplace with a book, listening to the crackle of the wood as the flames raged on.

It was peaceful, but there was something about it that seemed…eerie.

I didn't know what it was, but I felt unsettled.

_Wuthering Heights_ had never felt so boring…

It was a strange feeling, as if I should be doing something else. Being somewhere else other than where I am now.

_You should be with Jasper now._

Gritting my teeth, I threw the book down, watching it bounce and then settle, the pages becoming slightly bent with the force of it. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands and felt the tears leaking from my eyes as the gravity of the situation fell in on me again.

I needed - _wanted_ \- to be with Jasper right now. And that was selfish that I would want to be with him even after the one girl he loved more than anything was dead and in the ground. But I couldn't help myself from wanting it. Jasper was like the air I breathed. Even when we weren't together, I thought of him. As utterly pathetic as that sounded, it was true.

So, even though I knew it could lead to nothing but experiencing more of Jasper's pain - it was pain I would willingly take - I steeled myself and pulled on my slippers and jacket, ready to head out to go to Jasper's apartment, which was just down the hall.

Just as I was about to open the door, there was a knocking sound from the other side.

I didn't even bother peeking through the peephole; I already knew who it was. And that thought caused my heart to cave in on itself.

I didn't even realized I had paused until the knock sounded again, and I heard Jasper's voice. "Bells?"

I inhaled shakily and turned the doorknob.

And there he was.

His face cracked into a smile that disturbed me. There was no life to his eyes, no light or signal that a soul even resided inside him. His usually laid back, jovial nature was gone, replaced by a man I didn't know.

"Can I come in?" Jasper asked, though he knew he didn't need to - he knew that I would let him in regardless.

I nodded mutely, trying to smile back at him, but I felt the pangs of resistance from my emotional state. This was no time to smile. We had just lost someone we both loved, and it was taking its toll on the both of us. Not for the same reason, no. Of course, I missed Alice dearly, she was as much a friend to me as Rosalie was. But Jasper missed her because they were _in love_. I could never replicate that feeling with him. The way he would look when he talked about her, the ways his eyes would light up…it was all gone.

I shut the door behind him and looked at him with a wondering glance. "Jasper…can I get you anything?"

His back was to me, and I watched his shoulders shake slightly. I knew what he was doing all too well. Trying to prevent those infamous tears from rolling down his cheeks. He had never been a crier, and to see him like this was proof that he was broken. Possibly beyond repair. Every time I was faced with him in the aftermath of Alice's death, I could see it. He was slowly losing control.

He didn't turn around, so I walked over so I could get a look at his face.

I wish I hadn't.

The very sight of his heartbreaking expression was enough to cause my throat to close up, and tears to blur my vision.

He was worse than I thought. Though I had seen his face when he walked in, it seemed to have worsened in the past few seconds. Possibly he hadn't felt the need to have his guard up around me, and it was crumbling at his feet like my heart was in my chest. His eyes were red and strangely blank, without feeling. His hair was a mess of honey blonde atop his head, and dark circles were underneath his eyes, a signal that he hadn't slept in God knows how long.

I coughed hollowly, my hand flying to my throat at the sound. The sound being brought forth from my throat was a sign that I was on the verge from losing whatever inch of self-control I had.

"Bella…" his voice wrapped brokenly around my name.

And I lost it.

It must have been a combination of everything that caused what happened next. I saw the tears in his eyes, saw the way his shoulders trembled as he tried to keep the sobs at bay, tried to hold in the pain of his loss. I felt my heart shatter as I did the only thing I could think of - I leaned up and pressed my lips against the corner of his mouth.

It was chaste, I thought. Something that should have been taken as a friendly gesture, something that should have enforced the fact that I was here for him, that I would always be here for him no matter what. But my lips must have lingered a bit too long as I tasted the tears falling from his eyes. And then things went downhill.

His strong hands were on my shoulders, and his intense blue eyes were intently looking into mine, filled with something I couldn't even comprehend. "Bella, I…"

I jerked away from him, feeling a blush creep over my cheeks and down my chest. "Sorry. That…I…" I couldn't find words. "Just sorry, Jazz."

He stepped forward, and his hands were on my wrists now, his thumbs making circles on the pulse points. "Don't be."

I still wouldn't look at him, and I felt one of his hands move from my wrist to cup my cheek. His eyes were smoldering, like there was fire just beneath the ice. I wondered where he got the power to look like that when he was hardly there anymore.

"I'll go," he said, pulling away from me and heading to the door. "I might come back later."

I couldn't say anything as he walked away, shutting the door behind him. What the hell had just happened? I heard his footsteps pad along the hallway before stopping at his door, which was next to mine, and then my sensitive ears heard the clicking of the lock.

_Just **go** , you coward._

That was enough to get me going. My feet moved of their own accord, marching down the hallway and to Jasper's apartment. I knocked forcefully on the door, the hollow sound echoing through the hall. It wasn't long before Jasper opened the door, and it was almost like déjà vu all over again.

"What a surprise." His Southern drawl soothed my ears. Just to hear him was a relief.

"Jasper…"

Then tension was thick between us. I wondered if my little slip-up would cost us our friendship. I wondered if…I had been so wrong. I mean, it wasn't like I had full-out kissed him.

"You're making this very difficult for me, Bella."

I stared at him, wondering what he was talking about, waiting for him to continue whatever it was he was talking about.

"I had been…" He trailed off, his eyes emotionless, save for the dim spark of _something_. He shook his head and motioned at me. "Just forget it."

I looked at him, wondering what he was trying to say, but then…that's when I saw it.

Shame.

"What…is it, Jasper?" I asked, my voice hesitant, my stomach coiled in a painful bundle.

"Have you ever wanted to lose yourself in someone?"

That question stopped me dead in my tracks, but I didn't answer.

He continued. "I…I just…I would love…to just lose myself in someone else. Someone I could trust, and not have it be a huge deal. I need…it. I think it might help me cope…"

Was he asking what I thought he was?

He was suddenly in front of me. His eyes were glassy with tears and I felt my breath catch at our close proximity.

And then his lips were on mine.

I was pretty sure my heart stopped in that moment, and then kicked it into overdrive. His hands were on either side of my face and his mouth worked furiously against mine.

Damn me, I was kissing _back_.

Somehow, I found the will to pull back, and I looked into his eyes with a wondering expression, feeling my lips with my hand and my eyes were wide with something a bit like shock, confusion, and awe all mixed into one horrible package.

"Sorry, Bella. I'm terrible, ain't I?" He scratched his head and looked at his feet. "I just…I can't explain it without sounding like an idiot…"

He wanted to feel like he was wanted - I even knew that.

"I've been trying not to ask you for _this_ , but I…just couldn't stop myself from wanting to be a little crazy. That's how I've been feeling ever since Alice…" His voice cracked at the name of his former love, and I felt a piece of me break.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

If Jasper was a terrible person, then I truly was the worst for bringing my lips to his, crushing them together once more, and that delicious electric current rolled beneath my skin, down my stomach, and pooled lower in my body. His arms wrapped around my waist, bringing me closer, and I could almost feel the tension leave his body as soon as we were near each other.

My lips mashed against his with a passion that I didn't even know I possessed. Not at this point in time, that is. His large hands brought me closer to him and I willingly melded into his body.

He stumbled forward, pressing me into the wall. He brought his hands from my face to run smoothly down my neck before stopping on my slight breasts. In response to this, I gasped, despite the generous amount of clothing that was still between us. He paused and looked down at me. "Are you okay?"

_More than okay…_ I thought, but then felt like shit for feeling that way. I was such a horrible person… Instead, I answered, "Fine," and pulled his face back to mine. The heat of his hands seemed to soak all the way through the cloth, through my skin, and take root in my bones. I groaned involuntarily as his hands sunk lower, moving to the hem of my ratty t-shirt after I discarded my jacket. I hadn't bothered to wear a bra, so my chest was fully exposed to him now. Without waiting, his mouth was on one nipple, suckling and licking and nipping and just driving me _crazy_ as his hand toyed with the other.

I leaned my head back, my breath starting to come in short pants as his tongue swirled around the area. My hands were fisted in his golden hair, keeping him in place, and a moan came from my mouth.

He stopped with the sensuous torture he was inflicting upon me and raised his head to my level once more. I looked into his eyes and saw that they were clouded with what must've been desire. I didn't know much about it, though. I had seen that look in one other man's eyes before. My first boyfriend, Jacob. Actually, it was something stupid I had done, going out with him. We used to be extremely close, and I thought that being with someone else would let me forget about Jasper.

Well, we all know how that worked out, now, don't we?

Jacob ended up being my first, but it was awkward for the both of us since we didn't know what we were doing. And I ended up regretting it with every fiber of my being, because there was only one man I wanted to be with in that way, and he was looking at me like I was the most appetizing item on the menu in this particular moment.

His lips crashed down on mine and I was shocked with the intensity of it all. But then again, I didn't think I should've been. I knew I was his outlet. The outlet where he would release all of his feelings, his stress, his sadness. That would be me. And I was more than willing, as sad as that sounded. I loved him so much, would do anything for him, and…well, if that meant doing _this_ , then I was going to do it. We were best friends, after all. We knew everything about each other, and this was practically the only thing that we hadn't done.

He brought his hands to rest underneath my knees, bringing my legs to wrap around his waist. I suddenly felt very self-conscious. I moaned and tried to press myself closer as his arms wrapped securely around my shoulders.

We moved backwards into the bedroom, and that feeling of anticipation curled within me yet again, almost to the point of pain. We hadn't even really done anything and already I needed him more than anything.

I molded my own lips with his, going with the flow. His tongue traced the outline of my bottom lip before he sucked it entirely between his own. He then moved us to his bedroom. We were clumsy and almost fragile as we landed on his bed.

Jasper placed me gently on the bed, surprising considering how roughly he was kissing me. I was breathing very heavily as I kicked off my slippers. I could feel his hardness pressing into me with every slight movement I tried, and it was almost enough.

His fingers pressed into my sides before he hooked them underneath the waistband of my sweats, bringing them down and ridding me of them before throwing them haphazardly across the room.

Somehow, I wasn't sure what to do all of a sudden. I was down to only my panties in front of the guy I loved, who only wanted me to relieve stress. What should I do? Let him have his way or help him along…I was very inexperienced, and it was showing at this crucial moment.

Somehow, he sensed this. I chalked it up to us being best friends for the length of time that we had been. He pressed the palm of his hand against my face and smiled. Genuinely _smiled._

But the moment was ruined when I thought, _But is he seeing me or Alice?_

Of course he was seeing Alice at this moment. I wasn't anything special. Just a friend, now that came with benefits. Alice was the girl he loved, and I was not.

But it was my name that came from his lips, "Bella."

"Y-Yes?"

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

I reassured him by pressing my mouth against his. He seemed to take this as a yes, which it was, and kissed me back. Slowly at first, but with building passion as we both explored each other's bodies with our hands.

His fingers looped in my panties and brought the item of clothing all the way off of my person before discarding them who knows where, and his mouth left mine, heading down, down, _down…_

His mouth met the junction of my thighs and I almost lost it on the spot. I arched my back. My fingers gripped the mop of blonde hair to keep him there and I moaned, "Jasper…"

This continued for what seemed like forever. Just when I thought I was about to see stars, he pulled away. He was looking at me hungrily, his eyes darkened from a sky on a clear day to the stormiest blue I'd seen them. He was now at my level and my need for release was almost painfully evident.

He slipped his shirt off in one liquid movement and I was treated to the sight of his chest. Firm and inviting, my eyes drank it in, and I inhaled sharply. I ran my fingers gingerly down his chest before dipping them into the waistband of his pants and bringing them, along with his boxers, down and off of his slim form.

He gulped, as if now nervous that my hands were so close to him, and he brought himself closer, closer…

He lifted my legs up and pushed me further on the bed, so that now we weren't just hanging limply on the side. I scooted up to the headboard and watched as Jasper eyed me. He dipped his head and brought my mouth to his. This slow-going was about to kill me, so I took charge.

Steeling myself, I grasped his shoulders and turned him over, straddling his waist, the ache in my thighs that more apparent now that we were so close together. He looked taken aback, but pleased at the same time.

I bit my lip as I lowered myself slowly onto him. It hurt, but that was to be expected, and he groaned. His hands found purchase on my hips and he moved me slightly, guiding me as I rode him. I tilted my head back, letting my long hair fall along my back, and closed my eyes as he matched my thrusts with his own and his hands clasped at my breasts. 

Just as I had almost reached the brink, he swiftly turned us over, and buried himself even deeper inside me. I cried out his name as his hands fisted themselves in my hair and he thrust deeper and deeper inside of me. Our tempo was fast, building and building, I arched my back, pressing my breasts tightly against his chest as I hooked my ankles around his waist.

Through the pleasure that was rocking my body, I noticed that he said one name, and one name only.

"Bella…Bella… _Bella_ ," he chanted my name like it was precious, sacred, and it made me feel the world of myself. He chanted my name, as if he were doing this for me, and not for himself.

I met my release first, and he found his soon after. He fell on top of me, one hand curled into mine, and the other knotted in my hair. His breath fogged around me, caressing my cheek and making me feel like I was his and only his, and that nothing terrible had happened to cause what we had just done.

His breathing started to slow, and he pressed his lips to the crown of my head, not even bothering to pull out of me. I knew unconsciousness was about to claim him. I guess it was an accompaniment of that and the endorphins running through my body that made me say what I said next.

"I love you."

There was no tensing of his muscles, no muttered curses, nothing. Jasper just laid on top of me, and I felt his hand stroke my cheek.

"Love you, too."

My heart didn't jump at that. I knew it wouldn't. He didn't mean it like I meant it. He meant that he loved me as a friend, not someone that he was in love with. But it was something. It was something and I took it.

He fell asleep after that.

I couldn't sleep, however. I was far too enraptured and disgusted with myself for what had just occurred.

But I couldn't help but feel the slight change in the air between us.

It was almost like, one day, maybe not soon, but certainly one day after we got over Alice's death…

Maybe we'd be together.

Though I knew that it was something that wouldn't happen automatically, or anything like that, and though I knew I was probably being too hopeful about the current situation, I wanted to believe it.

If it were to happen, it would take so much time. More time than anyone would even imagine.

I was willing to wait for him.

Only him.


End file.
